Positive Cancer

Generally when I go to the gym I run into the same bunch of people. Some know I have metastatic cancer, while others are oblivious mostly because I look fairly healthy. You would think the one’s that are aware of my sickness would be tactful and understanding, but often the opposite is true. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One friend often says “Sure you’re sick. Let me see your Cancer club membership,” to which I reply “I bet you’ve never been outbenched by a guy whose eligible for a handicap sticker.” This usually ilicits a laugh and a crass reply which I won’t repeat. It’s great to be able to joke about Cancer, and its very positive for me. Friends joke about many things, and in my case, my illness is one of them. Friends being normal around me seems strange;it seems strange that they wouldn’t joke around like they used to about every personal aspect of my life.

I just wanted everyone to know that having friends joke about your Cancer is okay, about your situation is okay. Usually those friends are the one’s that will be there for you when you need something, the one’s who understand your situation well enough to joke about it when your feeling okay, and deal with it when your not. Sure someone might think their strange, making light of your situation, but like the title says, Strange is Normal, at least to me.

Stay Positive, keep your mindset positive and surround yourself with positive people. Positive Cancer is all about being normal with yourself and others, even if normal is different. Besides who wouldn’t want to outbench a healthy person and then gloat about his constant battle with Cancer?

I tend to write alot, mostly because I talk alot, or so I’ve been told. In any case I thought it time I posted concerning reactions, not from the people you tell about your Cancer, but from the people who are told they have Cancer.

My reaction to Cancer was fairly even, and some would go so far as to say it was relaxed. I had no issues with talking to people about my Cancer, and I didn’t feel isolated or alone from the world. Proudly I say that I handled it in stride. People like me are the easiest ones to deal with when they’re given the Cancer sentence. So we’ll just skip that reaction

Some people react as if the hangman’s noose has fallen, and let’s be honest in many cases it has. Equally so, in many cases it hasn’t and so that’s why you need to talk to people with this kind of reaction from a particular point of view. Look for answers, treatments, and understanding of their type of Cancer, and hopefully that knowledge may allow them to understand that while they may be under the hangman’s noose, there could be an indefinate stay of execution. Give them goals to learn more about the Cancer and in doing so they will remember to live. That’s my theory, just stay Positive, focused and driven. Of couse talk to a doctor if you need help dealing.

Another reaction is the one where the person who has Cancer decides to spare you the details of his situation, and by doing so thinks that he or she will save you. This one is hard, because while they think their sparing you, in reality there just making things much harder in the long run. My personal opinion on this is to let these people have some time to think about it, let them come to the Positive conclusion that they need to talk to you about the Cancer and let them do it at their own pace. If this doesn’t work, you can talk to them honestly and directly and hope that they respond well. Most people do, but every person has his own mindset. Maintain Positive thinking and try to help someone with this reaction the best you can.

The last reaction we’ll discuss is that of the Cancer victim who falls of the face of the planet, the one who becomes a complete loner. Give them time, their absense doesn’t reflect a lack of love for you, but rather an attempt by themselves to find some hope, or direction. You can call them and ask to help with mundane chores, or just ask if they need anything even if you know the answer will be no. Lending support without being there is a very Positive thing to do, and it’s very hard but rewarding. Hopefully the person will come back stronger and once again willing to resume a normal relationship. After all, that is what we hope for.

When Cancer hits one of the most important things you can do is deal with relationships in your life. I don’t mean go and find everyone you ever knew and make them your best friends or closest family member, I mean deal with the people that deal with you. Find the ones that care for you, and those that don’t can go to the wayside. I’ve said this in previous posts, but I have no time for people who don’t want to deal with my Cancer. I deal with my Cancer, my family deals with my Cancer, and my friends deal with my Cancer. It’s that simple, you’re in or your out. This post isn’t a rant on how friends can vanish when you’re sick though it nearly headed there, it’s about why talking to others will help you.

It’s not easy opening up to people, but by sharing emotions through words you can make yourself feel better, more in control, and more able to deal with adversity. It’s important to share emotions because it’s a doorway to your own feelings and can help you understand, and control them, rather than be overwhelmed by them. Also, by talking to others you can allay your own fears and relegate Cancer to the background by making yourself feel less alone, and more normal. Normal is great for someone in our situations, in fact it’s very Positive.

Talking to others will help you strengthen the bonds of family or friendship between you and by doing so will make you feel better about what will happen down the road. In my case I’m not concerned for my own life, but rather what those who are left behind will do with my absense. By talking to my family I feel better and more secure knowing that my kids will grow up provided for and loved. This in turn releases stress, makes me healthier, and gives me the all important Positive mind set. Strengthen the bonds, and that strength will in turn help you.

It’s very important for you to take time to talk to children, as it will in turn allow them to understand how to express themselves later in life, or during any difficult times that may arise. Children feel stress and sadness when someone they know has Cancer, so give them another weopon to deal with it, and do this by example. Talk to children, not necessarily about Cancer but instead about how to express themselves. This will make them feel better, and you will feel better also.

Talk to others to enjoy your life, talk to others to prolong your life, and talk to others just to hear your voice.

While this is the second part of my posts on Sadness and Depression I’d like to take a moment to give a shout out to a particular reader who has been here since the beginning. Raver Babe Ruth has been great to Positive Cancer, and I thought that I should return the favor by letting her know that she’s awesome also! Thank you Ruth for the support, and warm wishes for your family, especially your mother.

Strategies for beating sadness and depression are numerous and at times cumbersome. Besides the obvious medical solutions(i.e. pills) there are literally hundreds of different ways of dealing with depression. I’m not an expert, not even close, so as I always say, talk to your doctor about any situation you might have. I’m going to focus on a few different things I think will keep you Positive, and help to bring you out of any depressive funk you might be in.

Depression tends to hang in the dark areas of our lives, in the areas we don’t like to talk about, and honestly who wants to talk about Cancer and the negatives that come with it. So one of the more important things we can do is talk to family and friend about how we feel, concerning the Cancer, the effects it’s having on your life, and how it’s bringing you down. Bring the negatives to the surface and let the warm light of family and friends burn it away. It doesn’t matter if no one else in your family has had Cancer or depression. Just talking about it will help, and it will start you on the road to goal setting and recovery as opposed to resignation and submission. Start talking, that’s Positive Cancer.

It’s no cliche that you should talk to people who are Positive. Think how many people get therapeutic benefits from pets;pets aren’t by nature negative, and so it seems to reason that if you could find like minded people you would also benefit. Dogs and Cats are positive, and there are many many intelligent smart humans out there who have a Positive mind set, the kind of mind set that isn’t unrealistic but is uplifting. I don’t want my friends to lie to me, or to act happy when their not, but I do want friends who generally believe that life is worth living, and that being together is pretty good, regardless of time or circumstance. Postive friends, Positive family, now that’s Positive Cancer.

Faith isn’t for everyone, but for those of you who are religious, you have to look for the strength from your beliefs. The armor of faith is strong, and if you re-afirm yourself spiritual beliefs you can take depression on, and win. Whatever you believe, you can use that belief to feel better in the same way that if you believe you will fail, then indeed you will fail. Faith is Positive Cancer.

Finally, start blaming yourself for the way you feel, and do something about it. It’s easy for people in our situation to just sit there and wallow in self-pity. That’s okay for a time, but at some point you have to take charge of yourself, remember that others are depending on you the same way you depend on them, and actively try to get better. Go do things that make you happy, instead of having others tell you to do them. Visit friends and laugh, and let them laugh with you. Talk about someone else for a change, about how there life is, and remember what it was to live before the sadness and depression. Fighting for your happiness, for your joy is Positive Cancer.

I though I would take time to talk about depression, in the context of helping people learn when their either “depressed” or headed for depression. If depression is the bottom of the emotion slope, then Cancer most certainly is oil on the hill, intent on making you lose your place and head to the low point. Positive Cancer is about staying Positive, but in order to stay Positive you need to know some of the symptoms of being negative.

I remember the second time I found out I had Cancer; I was with my wife and the doctor told us my Cancer had turned metastatic. At that moment I suppose I was more stunned than sad, but certainly I was not happy. Even through the next couple of weeks I was worried for my future, but never once did I become depressed. That’s not to say I wasn’t down, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s the difference between healthy sadness and unhealthy and negative depression. How I stayed away from depression may not work for anyone else, and as I always say I’m completely in favour of whatever your doctor or medical professional has told you. With that in mind, my method was simple. I monitored myself, everyday in every way and when I started feeling down I told someone, usually my wife. Just by naming the problem it focused my mind on it, and internally it triggered my urge to “fight”. I started going back to the gym, another great way to fight depression, and slowly I regained my footing on the hill of emotion and returned to relative normalicy, or as I call it, Positive thinking.

Clinically speaking depression is a sad mood that is present most days, invades your life, and lasts for most of the day. Many depressed people have moments of happiness, but the majority of their time is in the shade of misery, and not the sun of happiness. It’s said that depression is depression if it lasts for more than two weeks, or if it affects your relationships but I believe that depression can happen very quickly and that’s why you have to be aware of it immediately and not wait two weeks to self-diagnose. It’s a simple Positive Cancer thing: you feel sad, it’s okay but if you feel sad for a long time talk to someone, and try to dig through the feelings. Asking for help is as simple as opening up a conversation with someone you trust, and believe me, it helps.

Some specific things that can signal depression include weight changes, sleep problems, losing interest in friends and family, and fatigue. Now of course there are many, many other symptoms related to emotions, such as feeling helpless or having low self-esteem but you have to remember that whatever the symptom you think are depression related, probably are depression related.
This means that whatever you think is wrong with you really will or can be wrong with you, ergo the idea of positive thinking and Positive Cancer.

However your depression comes, however it triggers within you, in truth it’s the battle to be happy with the knowledge that you might be dying, that you are dying, or that you could die that makes the difference. I live every day under the specter of death, but I’m okay with that, and I’m not willing to let it affect me any more than I have to. Neither should you let it affect you. In part 2 of this topic I’ll cover strategies for how to deal with sadness and depression. Until then stay Positive, stay Positive with Cancer.