Positive Cancer

You know there are times when I write a post and I feel like being dark and depressing and maybe even just a touch negative. Yes even I get these feelings, and that’s why I think its time for some Cancer Levity.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines Levity as follows:

1. Lightness of manner or speech, especially when inappropriate;frivolity
2. Inconstancy; changeableness
3. The state or quality of being light, buoyancy.

It certainly sounds to me that Levity needs to be applied to our Cancer, that lightness of manner or speech, or changeableness will help us maintain our positive thinking. So allow me to tell you what makes me laugh, as it pertains to Cancer, and perhaps you will tell me what makes you laugh.

I remember when one my friends, yes the one who took time off work but never ended up coming to see me as it happened that there was a theatre near by the hospital that interested him more, finally called me after I had been home for some time. The first time he called my wife cut him off, telling him that I was not interested in talking to him, which was nice of her since I was sitting right beside her when he called and it felt good. When you first get over any major Cancer surgery you take good whenever you can get it. He finally got the courage to call again, and somehow we agreed to meet and he came to my house, and expressed such self-loathing about how he couldn’t believe what he had done, and how he wished that I would forgive him, and so on. I, being a positive person, did forgive him, and then explained to him just how bad my Cancer was. I told him, “They removed my stomach, my spleen, my pancreas, and now I have to do chemo for some time.” The look on his face was a strange mix of pity and shock and he quietly said, “What kind of a time line are you looking at?” I looked him in the eyes and replied, “two weeks at the most.” Well the shock on his face registered again, this time his eyes bulged out, tears started appearing and a stammer shook his voice when he said, “What?” I waited for a few moments, and it must have looked like I was gathering myself to talk about the bad news, and then replied, “Just kidding. I just wanted to see your reaction, and maybe get some revenge.” That’s exactly what I said, and after that I let things go and we’re still friends today. Like I said, you take the good when you can.

So you see Levity is all about what you feel, how to make yourself feel better, even if that Levity is coming at the cost of seeing one of your friends flinch in pain because they realized just how bad a friend they had been. I did it, and for a moment I felt like I had achieved a state of quality of being light, of buoyancy.

I like to whine. Sure I talk about Positive Cancer, thinking Positive about Cancer, and taking the negatives all in stride, and I tend to see things from a “happy” skewed point of view, but truth be told I also like to whine Sometimes, as my wife would put it, I like to whine nonstop. Here now is something I like to whine about.

What happened to all my close friends, you know the ones who pledged to “be there forever” and “best buds?” I still have my best, best friends, the ones who waited by me at the hospital, the ones who took it in stride and gave me all the support I needed, and the ones who made me a better person. This post is not for them, this is for the others.

Before I get carried away, I should explain how this kind of thinking can help a person. Its simple, sometimes you need to get things off your chest, and sometimes you have to identify “negative” parts of your life and expose them to the light. You may want things to be the same as they were before, but Cancer is not that easy, and you need to push past things like anger and come to acceptance. That’s what this is about: Positive Cancer equals acceptance. Not forgiveness, not in this case anyways.

So to all the friends I ask again, where were you when you took time off work to come to visit me at the hospital but only made it as far as the local theatre? Where are the friends who cried when they heard the news, and then vanished for almost a year until they needed help moving? Where are the friends who did not give you the time of day until they heard that you were feeling better and now able to baby-sit, or have a drink or two. Perhaps my wife is correct, but please allows me to go on.

Where are the friends who couldn’t take the time to call me even once at the hospital while friends I hadn’t talked to in over five years called, visited and supported my family? Where are the friends who could drink all the free booze at my house, but couldn’t help me move even though the doctors told me that moving would be detrimental to my health. One last extra-special whine: where are the friends that whined to other friends how tough my illness was on them, how horrible their lives would be without me, and then never spoke to me again?

I don’t know where they are, and by thinking about it in terms of keeping myself positive, not second guessing myself, and putting those who showed me love in front of those who showed me their true selves, I do not care where they are!! Everyone with Cancer has these friends, and you should not care either!