Positive Cancer

This is part two of my post on Stress Reduction. I wanted to reiterate that I do not have any kind of “training” in any mental discipline, nor am I a psychiatrist. I am someone who has dealt and is dealing with life-threatening Cancer, and so I tend to talk from my own experience. If you ever need help, I always suggest talking to your doctor. If you have already discussed your situation and you need some secondary help, or a different point of view, that’s what Positive Cancer is all about.

In the previous post we identified what was specifically causing our stress, and brought it to the front of our conscious thought, thus allowing our brains to focus on it. Now we need to go one step forward and take the identified fear and destroy it. Once again I will use my own stress as an example. Right before I get CT scan results, I worry that my family will have to deal with the burden of my Cancer if it progresses. So I go one step further and identify the problem as guilt. I have guilt over the way my family feels, which is very normal as I care deeply for them and do not want them to be sad, or hurt. I take this guilt and I mull it over, looking for any way to overcome it. I say things to myself such as “I didn’t do this to them,” or “They’ll be okay,” but my stress isn’t reduced, at least not significantly.

This is when I realize that I’m looking at the problem, not looking for the solution, and that solution is, “I need to talk to my family, to see how they feel about what is to happen.” Misery loves company but stress loves to lie underneath the radar. I always turn to my wife, or whoever has accompanied me to the doctor’s office and say, “Are you going to be okay with whatever happens?” Usually this gets me a tear or two, but invariably it hardens my heart and my will to survive. I start to think about how much of a warrior I am, of how hard I’m willing to fight, and suddenly I feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. I have a purpose, and purpose is one of those things that is so powerful it gives me back my will to fight, and that will destroys any real hold stress may have on me.

By the time I’m in front of the doctor, about to hear the results, I’ve already decided that if the news is bad I don’t need to worry; I need to act. I need to reduce the stress of worrying by taking care of everything as I always have, and will. This blunts the stress, makes it productive for me, and when the news does turn out to be bad, allows me to continue Positive Thinking even under the worst of circumstances.

You need to take Positive Cancer, positive thinking about Cancer, and apply it to everything that would make your life negative. This includes stress, anxiety and depression. Every person on the planet is allowed down time, time to feel “stressed out”, but mental toughness is built through dealing with the stress, not allowing the stress to deal with you.

Exercise, if your doctor advises, and search yourself for what is really bothering you and what is really causing stress in your life. Bring it to the light, the focus of your mind and that will reduce it without a doubt. Then solve the stress, decide on a course of action and purpose will overcome the stress, and turn it into positive motivation. I dislike Cancer, it is a horrible stress in my life, so I talk about it non-stop on this website, and it helps take that stress and give me purpose. Less stress, refined stress, and redirected stress all help me live a longer life, and in the end that’s all that we really want.

Whether you are dealing with Cancer, as I am, or just dealing with live, Stress is a major negative in our lives. Unfortunately Stress is also a major force in our lives, guiding our decisions and our moods whether we like it or not. Positive thinking does not mean stress free, or anxiety free, it means that we understand and view stress in a positive way.

I personally work well with some stress, and I tend to have more enjoyment when I do things that are “stressful” such as playing cards against good players, or having to work out really hard. You’ll notice that my idea of good stress is that which allows you to enjoy your life without intruding upon it. I have bad stress as well, such as when I’m late to meet somebody, or I’m worried about how my kids are going to act, or about finances. This type of stress is very common in all people, regardless of work or ambition.

How do I deal with stress? I take a few different approaches, and as I always say, consult with your doctor before taking any of my methods to heart, especially those that are related to physical exercise. Just like anything in life, if you want to succeed at beating, or managing stress, you need to work at it, and I think you need a sub-conscious game plan.

Working out, exercising, or just shooting a few hoops with my friends always helps me reduce stress. I find that my mind focuses on what my body is doing and then “freshens” up from the break I give it. I always seem to think better after, and quite a few times I realize that I was worried for no reason at all. Also exercise makes me feel better about myself, and calms me, and it provides me with a “mental barrier” of protection from daily stress.

Dealing with stress mentally takes work, especially when I know that CT Scan results are forthcoming. The exercise helps, but invariably I find my mind coming back to this Stress, this worry, and honestly its very normal. If the thought that the Doctor might tell you that your days are numbered, and then tell you that number doesn’t stress you out, wow that’s impressive. Me, I have too much to lose not to get stressed out, and too much of an urge to live. So how then do I deal with stress?

First I start by identifying what my fears are, and why I have stress. For instance, when I’m waiting for the results I can identify my Stress factor pretty easy: I don’t want to die. I then delve deeper, looking into why I don’t want to die. Family and friends pop into my mind, as do financial obligations and guilt. Even though it doesn’t change the stress, just by identifying my fears it helps my brain focus on it the same way it would any problem, and thus the problem lessens. Try it, it works.

After I have identified the problem which brings the cause of my Stress to light, I start to work on them more specifically, and my brain seems to agree with this method. I’ll talk more about it on the part two of Stress Reduction is necessary. Positive Cancer is about dealing with problems, dealing with stress and not running away or giving in.

When my GIST was first removed, I can remember the surgeon coming to my room and saying, “I’m not sure what the prognosis is, I need to get a test result on the areas we took out of you to see if the Cancer has spread.” A few days later he came back and with a smile he told me, “The areas around the tumor were fine, the cancer isn’t metastatic.” At the time I really did not understand what it meant, but I was still alive and therefore it was all good.

Last September, after having a CT scan, my Cancer doctor said to me, “I don’t have good news. Your Cancer has turned metastatic and spread.” I still didn’t really have a good idea what it meant until I asked the doctor if I could still have an alcoholic drink once in a while. She replied, “You can drink as much as you want, whenever you want.” It hit me then, and my wife who had started crying, that this was truly not good news.

I could have taken that moment to give in, to just bow to the depression, anxiety and stress. I never thought twice about doing that, even when the doctor basically told me that I should enjoy my last few days. If I go out, I told myself, I go out on my terms. Positive Cancer, thinking positive about Cancer works for me. I steeled my brain from any negative forces, and even that bad news did little to faze me. I was disconcerted for a few weeks, as were my family and friends, but little by little things became normal again, and here I am writing this post. I am on Gleevec for as long as it works, and I think little about where I’m going to end up. I’m happy where I am, here with family and friends.

Having Cancer and giving up is signing your own death certificate, so do everything in your power to live a normal life. Don’t give in; instead fight the negative urges with positive thoughts, exercises, or whatever makes you feel good. You did not choose to have Cancer, but it’s up to you how you live with it. My mind won’t allow me to give in to it, and I would not have it any other way. Don’t give up, it’s not an option for anyone with Cancer.

I have had more than a few people say that thinking positive is something that is not natural to humans, and in some ways they are correct. I believe that everyone’s nature is generally positive, but that like an athlete with natural ability, if we do not “work on” the positive thinking we will not realize our true potential.

Case in point, after finally having a week and a half away from colds and flues I awoke this morning with, you guessed it, another cold. This one seems to be harder on my throat, and harder on my energy level than most colds, but what is making me negative is not the cold, but how I came to get it.

I had friends over, as I do once in a while, and shared a bag of potato chips with them. Now you’re probably thinking that anyone with a compromised immune system should not be sharing chips with other people but I try to live a relatively normal life, and it helps me to fight through the days and maintain my positive outlook. One of my friends, well he had a cold, though he forgot to tell me this before he came over; I would think that I still would have had him over, so him forgetting to tell me is not the biggest deal, though something I have decided to look for in the future.

The night progressed, and things turned out fine, but then I get a call the next day. My friend had realized something, something important at that. He told me not to eat any of the chips out of the bag that we had shared the night before, and that he had “wiped his nose with his hands and then ate the chips.” I know what you’re thinking, and yes that is disgusting, and yes he is in his mid thirties and not a small child. So I hope you can see where my negative feelings are coming from.

So as I sit here with this cold, I have been thinking about that, about whether I should dwell on his “strange” mistake, or just not worry about it. I’ve decided not to worry about it, make it an exercise in Positive Cancer.

By focusing on the cold, and on feeling better both physically and mentally, my body feels better, and the cold seems less intense. I think I was holding back some of my body’s natural healing by focusing my attention on the negative, not on the Positive. Even I have to remind myself that everyday is good, regardless of circumstance. I can feel the mental strength as I think only about how to recover, and I know that this is the right course of action.

We all are responsible for our positive thinking, and unlike people who are not dealing with Cancer, or some other life-threatening disease, we need to always be as positive as possible. I do not want any portion of my thinking to take away from my life, now or in the future, or to hinder my body’s ability to heal itself. Find positive thoughts within yourself; don’t worry about what has happened, and just deal with it. I’ve invited my friend over for a game of cards tonight and I have every intention of giving him a hard time about this cold, but the words won’t be coming from my heart, they will tongue and cheek.

Positive Cancer is really just shorthand for positive thinking about Cancer, and really the idea is to force yourself to think about the things that are holding you back, and to deal with them positively. For instance, have you ever woken in the night, or in the morning and had that sick feeling, and I’m not talking nausea, I mean genuinely sick feeling, so bad you thought that this might be your last day? I have, and I suspect that you have also.

I tend to think that feeling is partially our bodies becoming overloaded from fighting the Cancer, and partially because we “stress” out in our sleep about the Cancer, that we’re not content with having it, and this “stress” takes a toll on us. While one should not be expected to just accept that they have Cancer, everyone must come to the conclusion that they have to deal with Cancer, that they have to fight Cancer, and that they are living with Cancer.

You need to realize that Cancer is not just an outside force changing you on a cellular level, its trying to change you on a personal level. While there’s only certain things you can do to deal with Cancer physically, there is quite a bit you can do to limit its effects on you mentally.

Cancer did not take away mental strength, you did. If you think that’s not true, then you’re arguing that Cancer took away your will and who you are. I don’t agree with that, simply because I think that Cancer gave me mental strength, much more than I could ever have had were I Cancer-free. Keep in mind if I had a choice, I would give up the mental strength in a heartbeat if I could not have Cancer, but we all know that’s not my choice.

Mental strength equals stress release that much I do know, and so you have to start by deciding to live with the Cancer, and still living within yourself. Give yourself a chance to show how strong you are, let go of your fears, and focus on how you are going to keep yourself from worrying about what is to come. Live in what will be, it’s a simple Mantra but very important for us. By us, of course, I mean those who are thinking positive about Cancer.

Positive thinking happens for most of us on a sub-conscious level, and most people never really have to go deeper than that sub-conscious level to keep their lives in order. Those of us who have Cancer and the ones that are directly affected by it such as our loved ones need to focus on staying positive. For those of us with Cancer positive thinking is not just a form of insulation from the problems of the world. It is a Mantra, it connects us to the way things were, and the way we wish things could be, and ultimately it changes what we have now to what we want. From time to time we need to focus our energy and think about what Positive Energy is, and how it affects our mental well-being. This is a simple exercise to do that.

Close your eyes, think of life without you in it, and allow yourself to wonder at what will be. Start with your spouse, your children, your immediate family, and then your friends, and then the day to day acquaintances, the people you run into at the store, the library, wherever. What do you see? Do you see them happy? Perhaps in the short run when you look at life moving on, you might imagine your family sad, crying, and mourning. A hundred different images for a hundred different people will pop into your head, but through it all you have to ask yourself: Is this what I want? I don’t mean ask, and move on, but take a minute, and really ask yourself what it is you’re seeing in the future, and if it makes you unhappy, how you can change it to what you want. This is a simple exercise but it will tell you a fair bit about what your fears really are, both for your life, and those you care about.

Once you know your fears, its time for you to do something about it. If you think that no one will remember you, ask your loved ones what they will remember most about you. If you’re estranged from family or friends try to talk to them and let your fears go. Start working on feeling better, removing hidden stress and becoming a more positive person. Whatever the problem, look for the solution and do not dwell within the problem. Stress is the problem, positive thinking is the solution. Cancer is the problem, living each day with joy is the solution.

In truth the exercise is actually designed to make you realize that you will miss life, not that others will miss you. While you think about other people, wonder for a moment what you will miss, what will change for you. I promise it will make you feel better connected to your feelings, and as such give you more purpose than you could have thought a simple exercise could do. If you lost the drive, the will to live life on your terms, then this will remind you all you have to lose, both for yourself and your family, and your friends. Sometimes it takes a jump start to force Positive Thinking. There is no greater shock than the one you got when you found out you had Cancer. Think about it.

People tend to forget things, especially things that were unpleasant, such as the recovery period from a major surgery. Even now, I don’t really remember how bad it felt, to be unable to eat, unable to drink water, unable to pass gas, and even unable to go to the washroom without assistance. I know it was a tough ride, but my mind has created a “numbed memory” of the experience, and thank goodness for that.

Positive Thinking is not all mental; there are physical components to your well being that will encourage you to get better, feel better, and even live better. One of the most important things I did to help myself was exercise. I was 32 when the operation to remove the GIST(gastrointestinal stromel tumor) occurred, and so I was stuck in a strange “limbo” between being lucky that I was young enough to recover from the major surgery I had, and unlucky because I had and still have a life threatening Cancer.

I started walking, two days out of the surgery, but I barely took more than a few feet before returning to my bed, spent of energy, and dizzy from effort. I should explain what was done to me, so that you can all have a point of reference. I had a complete gasterectomy(complete removal of the stomach), a spleenectomy(complete removal of the spleen) and a partial pancretectomy(partial removal of the pancreas), or as I call it a complete mid-section renovation. One, I might add, I had no wish to do, and as you’ll read in my Story, had no idea was coming.

While in the hospital I continued to walk, until I could at least walk once or twice around the section of the floor I was in. I walked with all the different tubes in me, with my family around me in case I need help, and with a decided tilt since my stomach still had staples in it. This was the beginning of healing for me, but more importantly, my mind stayed positive in a way I did not know it could. Despite the worst situation occurring, I continued to think about my family, and about how I would not be a burden to them, both physically and mentally. I think that is what drove me to continue to work, the urge to not give in because I owed it to my family to fight with every fiber of being I had.

From then until now I have been through numerous hospital visits, infections, chemotherapies, and recently a reoccurrence that has metastasized, and a permanent use of pills for chemotherapy. In addition this “lucky” man has suffered kidney stones with no relation to my situation, stitches due to a fluke shelving accident, and I even subjected myself to a vasectomy. You can trust that I understand pain, frustration, anger and surprise, but I continue to think positive.

Exercise has made it much easier for me to deal with the problems I’ve had, and I can tell you this with absolute certainty. I can deal with real life, just as before the Cancer, if not better as my body is in better shape now than before. I have put on over 40 lbs, work out five days a week, help with the kids, drive my parents where they need to go, hang out with friends, deal with colds and work on websites all because I forged ahead and worked out.

The way I worked out may not be for you and you do need to talk to your doctor about what kind of workout is right for you. I’m not advocating my workouts, I’m advocating the mindset that I wasn’t ready to give in, that I was Positive that Cancer would not take my standard of living away. I can assure you, no one would guess that I have life-threatening Cancer, and most people say the same thing when they find out, and that is, “Wow you look so healthy, I can’t believe it.” It does not make me feel better, but it does prove my point. My Positive Cancer mind works better with exercise, and exercise helps me to live my life the way I want to. Talk to your doctor about how it can help you.