Positive Cancer

While this is the second part of my posts on Sadness and Depression I’d like to take a moment to give a shout out to a particular reader who has been here since the beginning. Raver Babe Ruth has been great to Positive Cancer, and I thought that I should return the favor by letting her know that she’s awesome also! Thank you Ruth for the support, and warm wishes for your family, especially your mother.

Strategies for beating sadness and depression are numerous and at times cumbersome. Besides the obvious medical solutions(i.e. pills) there are literally hundreds of different ways of dealing with depression. I’m not an expert, not even close, so as I always say, talk to your doctor about any situation you might have. I’m going to focus on a few different things I think will keep you Positive, and help to bring you out of any depressive funk you might be in.

Depression tends to hang in the dark areas of our lives, in the areas we don’t like to talk about, and honestly who wants to talk about Cancer and the negatives that come with it. So one of the more important things we can do is talk to family and friend about how we feel, concerning the Cancer, the effects it’s having on your life, and how it’s bringing you down. Bring the negatives to the surface and let the warm light of family and friends burn it away. It doesn’t matter if no one else in your family has had Cancer or depression. Just talking about it will help, and it will start you on the road to goal setting and recovery as opposed to resignation and submission. Start talking, that’s Positive Cancer.

It’s no cliche that you should talk to people who are Positive. Think how many people get therapeutic benefits from pets;pets aren’t by nature negative, and so it seems to reason that if you could find like minded people you would also benefit. Dogs and Cats are positive, and there are many many intelligent smart humans out there who have a Positive mind set, the kind of mind set that isn’t unrealistic but is uplifting. I don’t want my friends to lie to me, or to act happy when their not, but I do want friends who generally believe that life is worth living, and that being together is pretty good, regardless of time or circumstance. Postive friends, Positive family, now that’s Positive Cancer.

Faith isn’t for everyone, but for those of you who are religious, you have to look for the strength from your beliefs. The armor of faith is strong, and if you re-afirm yourself spiritual beliefs you can take depression on, and win. Whatever you believe, you can use that belief to feel better in the same way that if you believe you will fail, then indeed you will fail. Faith is Positive Cancer.

Finally, start blaming yourself for the way you feel, and do something about it. It’s easy for people in our situation to just sit there and wallow in self-pity. That’s okay for a time, but at some point you have to take charge of yourself, remember that others are depending on you the same way you depend on them, and actively try to get better. Go do things that make you happy, instead of having others tell you to do them. Visit friends and laugh, and let them laugh with you. Talk about someone else for a change, about how there life is, and remember what it was to live before the sadness and depression. Fighting for your happiness, for your joy is Positive Cancer.

I though I would take time to talk about depression, in the context of helping people learn when their either “depressed” or headed for depression. If depression is the bottom of the emotion slope, then Cancer most certainly is oil on the hill, intent on making you lose your place and head to the low point. Positive Cancer is about staying Positive, but in order to stay Positive you need to know some of the symptoms of being negative.

I remember the second time I found out I had Cancer; I was with my wife and the doctor told us my Cancer had turned metastatic. At that moment I suppose I was more stunned than sad, but certainly I was not happy. Even through the next couple of weeks I was worried for my future, but never once did I become depressed. That’s not to say I wasn’t down, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s the difference between healthy sadness and unhealthy and negative depression. How I stayed away from depression may not work for anyone else, and as I always say I’m completely in favour of whatever your doctor or medical professional has told you. With that in mind, my method was simple. I monitored myself, everyday in every way and when I started feeling down I told someone, usually my wife. Just by naming the problem it focused my mind on it, and internally it triggered my urge to “fight”. I started going back to the gym, another great way to fight depression, and slowly I regained my footing on the hill of emotion and returned to relative normalicy, or as I call it, Positive thinking.

Clinically speaking depression is a sad mood that is present most days, invades your life, and lasts for most of the day. Many depressed people have moments of happiness, but the majority of their time is in the shade of misery, and not the sun of happiness. It’s said that depression is depression if it lasts for more than two weeks, or if it affects your relationships but I believe that depression can happen very quickly and that’s why you have to be aware of it immediately and not wait two weeks to self-diagnose. It’s a simple Positive Cancer thing: you feel sad, it’s okay but if you feel sad for a long time talk to someone, and try to dig through the feelings. Asking for help is as simple as opening up a conversation with someone you trust, and believe me, it helps.

Some specific things that can signal depression include weight changes, sleep problems, losing interest in friends and family, and fatigue. Now of course there are many, many other symptoms related to emotions, such as feeling helpless or having low self-esteem but you have to remember that whatever the symptom you think are depression related, probably are depression related.
This means that whatever you think is wrong with you really will or can be wrong with you, ergo the idea of positive thinking and Positive Cancer.

However your depression comes, however it triggers within you, in truth it’s the battle to be happy with the knowledge that you might be dying, that you are dying, or that you could die that makes the difference. I live every day under the specter of death, but I’m okay with that, and I’m not willing to let it affect me any more than I have to. Neither should you let it affect you. In part 2 of this topic I’ll cover strategies for how to deal with sadness and depression. Until then stay Positive, stay Positive with Cancer.

Sometimes when we deal with Cancer, we being the person that has Cancer, we tend to forget that other people are deeply affected by our condition and by the way our lives change theirs. Caregivers, whether they are husbands or wives, kids or grandparents, friends or relatives, have an incredible burden placed upon them; one which I feel doesn’t get enough attention. If whoever is taking care of you is feeling negative, or stressed, it’s bound to come down on you and make it harder for you to live a positive life style.

Loved ones need to understand that their role is important both for your sake, and for their own wellbeing. It hard to watch the one you love deteriorate or become unable to do the things they used to do, and it’s equally hard to give up so much of yourself having to provide both mentally and physically for them. Love is powerful, but we are only human, and we feel anxiety and stress, not to mention pressure. I feel that part of the burden of Cancer is making sure that your loved one’s, your caregivers don’t feel isolated and lonely but instead feel welcome and supported.

You need to take the time to explain how much the support of your Caregiver has helped you, and by all means thank them over and over again. Let them know that they have done for you what no one else could, and that you understand how hard it is on them. If your situation is bad enough that your Caregiver is constantly working with you, whether it’s to feed you, or to take care of the kids, or to get you medications, or simply to be with you day in and day out, you need to let him or her have time for themselves. Even saying something as simple as “Listen, I love that you’re always here for me, but I want you to go out to a movie, or have a coffee with somebody. Just go and do something else for a while.” Invariably most Caregivers will respond by saying that they would rather just continue to be with you, but you need to convince them that they need to take care of their mental wellbeing, and will in fact come back more refreshed and more capable of dealing with everything that comes with Cancer.

There is sadness and loneliness, and Cancer can make that isolation feel so acute it seems like there will never be a relationship that solidifies for you, but in truth it’s just your mind playing tricks on you. Open yourself to those around you, take care of each other and together plan the positive goals that will defeat Cancer.

Almost everyone who has Cancer has heard about how horrible Chemo is, or how painful Cancer and its complications are, but an important question needs to be asked. Can Positive Cancer, thinking positive about Cancer, help?

My theory on pain is that you can reduce the pain with medication, you can recover faster thus limiting pain with exercise, and you can reduce your susceptibility to pain with positive thinking. I’m not saying that your mind set can block out your pain, but having a positive mindset can reduce things that can cause you to perceive a higher level of pain than your body is actually going through.

There are negative emotions, ones such as sadness, anxiety, and anger that tend to be against the common thinking of positive mindset. While these emotions will always be a part of you, consider if you will what the ramifications are for negative feelings in concert with pain. Sadness and anxiety can certainly leave you feeling more sensitive to pain, almost as a self-pity response, and anger can make your pain harder to bear. While I’m not telling you to laugh off the pain, you should make your defense’s as strong as possible to deal with the pain to the best of your ability.

I have found it is much easier to deal with pain when I know that it is coming. I think this is because my body realizes the situation and so gets me “ready” for the pain by focusing the nerves that are going to be affected. I believe that in some small way this does reduce the pain, as it is only a sensation felt by the mind.

Try keeping an understanding of pain, that while it is horrible you have no real choice but to deal with it, and hopefully your mind will begin to understand that pain isn’t the entire focus of your body and shift some of that focus to your goal, which is to continue to live and live positively. I know for myself that my level of pain tolerance is higher than most, but I tend to see things differently than other people. I tend to associate pain with healing, in the sense that it’s telling me I need to do something to make myself feel better, whether that is a massage or a nap or even just a moment of down time for myself and only myself.

So does positive thinking help with pain? Perhaps not directly but it does prevent you’re mind from making the pain worse, or from interpreting it as worse than it actually is. I think that’s good enough reason to maintain a positive mindset free of stress and full of hope.

As I had started in the last post, I though that I should take time to help people to see what stage of mental progression they were in, and by doing so help myself to evaluate my own stage. Without much fanfare, it’s time to continue to Stage three.

Stage three’s a strange one, at least for me it was. I consider Stage three to be that of “Do everything, take everything,” and basically that’s what I did. Every piece of information I received, every advice I was given, I did with the hope that it would make the cancer “miraculously” go away. Some people mistake this stage with true positive thinking, but really it’s just a way for the mind to focus on a goal whose purpose is to save our lives.

Now that might sound like positive thinking, but in reality it’s close to the opposite. You try so hard to be “positive” that you end up putting immense stress on yourself thus causing your mind to begin to think negatively. I tried advice after advice, giving nothing more than a few days to work, and when I still felt sick, or the doctor’s told me my Cancer was progressing, I wanted to kill whoever had given me that advice. That’s not positive, that’s stress, and surely everyone will agree, that is negative in every way.

There is a difference between trying alternative therapies, listening to others with information and trying to continue to live your life, but in Stage three you forget about allowing yourself to enjoy your time, and in doing so reduce the stress while giving yourself a fighting chance with a positive mindset. I truly believe that without the mind, the body will surely falter.

Getting out of Stage three is not easy; it takes a change of goal, from trying to not die, to remembering how to live. I’m not talking about forgetting about the Cancer, or spending all your money on the trip of your lifetime, I’m talking about truly coping with the Cancer, understanding that it will always be a part of your life, and working towards minimizing what part it plays in your life. Remember this: goals for happiness, not goals for preventing sadness; goals for health, not goals for how to deal with sickness; and goals for beating Cancer, not goals for beating death. There is a distinct difference.

Stage four, that’s where I believe I currently am. It’s a good place, a place where you can enjoy life and still feel sorry for yourself. Appropriately I call this stage the “Good Life” stage.

At this stage I realize that everything is as it should be, in the sense that I try to do what I can to maintain this place I’ve come to. I know this statement doesn’t make complete sense, but it’s not easy to explain. I feel unhappy about the Cancer, that doesn’t change, but I feel very happy about my life, the way I deal with Cancer, and the way I deal with others concerning my Cancer. I can talk about my life with ease, because that’s what I am: at ease with everything. I have not given up, I have not given in, I have only come to the conclusion that I will continue to live and to enjoy what how I live while working towards living as long as I can. It is very hard for me to put down in words exactly what I’m trying to say, but I have a favorite quote from W.E. Henley that helps to sum it up:

“In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud.”

It took me a long time to get to the point where I could deal with Cancer while maintaining a fair level of Positive thinking, and though I have been dealt a crazy blow of fate, I will not let it win, either in taking away my life, or in taking away my enjoyment of life.

I bet your wondering what Stage five is, and I am as well. I haven’t arrived at Stage 5 but I can tell you that with my personal belief in positive thinking and the effects your mind can have on your body, I think Stage five is “Cancer-free.” Not much you can really say about that, I think the title speaks for itself. Will I ever get to stage 5? I don’t know and in truth it doesn’t keep me up at nights. It is however a goal, and so it serves my purpose, and hopefully yours as well.

Depression, anxiety, fear, doubt, lack of motivation, these are all things that come when someone tells you that you have Cancer. Without a game plan these things can overwhelm your brain and become the center point of your life. Positive thinking is not just something that happens; it’s something you work towards. This post will address the types of Mental Problems you might face and how to gauge your success in progressing past them.

I’m not a physiatrist, I don’t have years of schooling and expertise behind what I’m talking about, I just have experience on a personal level that not too many other people have had. On top of that I live each day of my life with positive thinking, and my body and mind both seem to be fighting much better than expected. That being said, always listen to your doctors, or any other medical advisors when it comes to your health and well being.

Here’s the way I break down your mental state when someone tells you “You have Cancer.” You go through a series of five different states, the first one being, obviously, shock. You hear the words, you might break down, you might not feel fear or you might feel complete terror, but truly you are in shock. Nothing is settling into your mind, body or soul, you’re just reacting to the bad news. Shock is a powerful first stage, but one which almost everyone overcomes. You can tell whether you have progressed out of the “shock” stage easily, it’s when your either severely depressed, or have that “fighter attitude.”

Stage two is based on “Flight or Fight,” except in this case it’s either “Sad or Angry.” Stage two is when some people just can’t get up for days, or they are so angry that nothing changes in their life, and they continue with the normal routine mad that anyone would try to change it.

Sad, depression, being upset in stage two usually revolves around the person who has the Cancer, and this can manifest itself with denial, bouts of crying, failure to talk to others about Cancer or even just not getting out of bed. You feel like someone has punched you in the gut, and the most common thought in my mind, and I would think everyone’s mind is, “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” This state of sadness isn’t the worst, but it’s the closest to self pity you will feel. This sadness isn’t for those who are with you, but for yourself, for your loss.

So how do you know when Stage two “sadness” has been beaten, when you have progressed into the third stage? I find it easy to define, it is when you think about the damage your doing by having so much “self-pity” that you’ve ignored the feelings of family and friends, and start to do something about it. Whether it’s you arranging a coffee so you can talk to friends about what’s happened, or you just go to your husband and say, “I’m sorry for this. I didn’t mean for this to happen to you.” Caring for another or others shows that you have moved out of Stage 2 Sadness.

Stage two “Anger” manifests itself different and comes from both older and younger people diagnosed with Cancer. Most of the people who are “angry” tend to think that by ignoring the Cancer they can overcome it, and this is of course, classic denial. By not worrying about the Cancer, even if they disguise the lack of concern as “not wanting to alarm, or burden others,” really they just don’t want to deal with the problems.

Seeing if you have progressed past the anger is really easy. Can you talk about the problem in a way in which you’re not the center of attention, can you acknowledge that things are going to change drastically and that normal will not be what it was before you found out about Cancer? If you answered yes, then you have moved on. If not, then denial is probably still your way of dealing with it, and you need to get past it.

Part two of this post will continue to deal with the problems associated with Cancer, and how to tell if you’re making progress.

I consider myself to be in good shape, maybe even very good shape, and most people who know I have Cancer would put me in great shape. In any case, I don’t look sick and that’s why people sometimes say things around me that are inappropriate. Here are a few examples so that you can feel better about your situation, or just laugh at mine. Either way, it is Positive Cancer.

I can remember three different times where I have told people that I’m disabled, to which they responded, “Sure you are, and I have Cancer.” You can imagine all the different responses in my mind, but most of the time I have been civil enough to say, “Well then your Cancer spread to me.” I say it with a smile but most people stop laughing pretty quick when they figure out I’m not kidding. I must admit I enjoy telling people about my Cancer when they say something ridiculous, or offensive. I take whatever joy I can in life, and humor is important to me.

Once at a restaurant I asked the waitress, a young lady, to pack up my dinner, which was hardly eaten. She stared at the food and said, “You not hungry?” to which I replied, “No, not really.” I tried to leave it at that, but she continued to talk, “So what are you sick or something?” She said it offhandedly, but something about the way she was talking told me that she was just trying to get a tip and be friendly. “Not sick….wait, does Cancer count?” I can assure you the young ladies face turned red and she did not say another word to me, not even when she dropped off the bill. One thing about staying positive that I always adhere to is my right to talk about Cancer, and to not worry about making other people comfortable with the topic. I have way too many other things to worry about.

I’ll give you one more example of the things I have to deal with, and this one is to do with the disability office. When I first went into the office I had no problems getting approved, I apparently looked very “disabled.” After a year I had recovered physically but I was still taking chemo and dealing with dumping syndrome and other problems. The Disability office called me in for a routine paperwork signing but when they saw my physical condition they immediately attempted to halt my disability payments. It almost turned ugly, but when I explained my situation and backed it up with medical records they actually issued an apology. I suppose that on paper I look horrible, and in real life I look better than I feel.

Maintain your positive thinking, your positive mindset and you can look at these situations from a better point of view. I’m glad that people think I’m healthy, it helps me think I’m healthy, and if that isn’t Positive Cancer thinking then its at the very least a good step towards it.

When my GIST was first removed, I can remember the surgeon coming to my room and saying, “I’m not sure what the prognosis is, I need to get a test result on the areas we took out of you to see if the Cancer has spread.” A few days later he came back and with a smile he told me, “The areas around the tumor were fine, the cancer isn’t metastatic.” At the time I really did not understand what it meant, but I was still alive and therefore it was all good.

Last September, after having a CT scan, my Cancer doctor said to me, “I don’t have good news. Your Cancer has turned metastatic and spread.” I still didn’t really have a good idea what it meant until I asked the doctor if I could still have an alcoholic drink once in a while. She replied, “You can drink as much as you want, whenever you want.” It hit me then, and my wife who had started crying, that this was truly not good news.

I could have taken that moment to give in, to just bow to the depression, anxiety and stress. I never thought twice about doing that, even when the doctor basically told me that I should enjoy my last few days. If I go out, I told myself, I go out on my terms. Positive Cancer, thinking positive about Cancer works for me. I steeled my brain from any negative forces, and even that bad news did little to faze me. I was disconcerted for a few weeks, as were my family and friends, but little by little things became normal again, and here I am writing this post. I am on Gleevec for as long as it works, and I think little about where I’m going to end up. I’m happy where I am, here with family and friends.

Having Cancer and giving up is signing your own death certificate, so do everything in your power to live a normal life. Don’t give in; instead fight the negative urges with positive thoughts, exercises, or whatever makes you feel good. You did not choose to have Cancer, but it’s up to you how you live with it. My mind won’t allow me to give in to it, and I would not have it any other way. Don’t give up, it’s not an option for anyone with Cancer.

I have had more than a few people say that thinking positive is something that is not natural to humans, and in some ways they are correct. I believe that everyone’s nature is generally positive, but that like an athlete with natural ability, if we do not “work on” the positive thinking we will not realize our true potential.

Case in point, after finally having a week and a half away from colds and flues I awoke this morning with, you guessed it, another cold. This one seems to be harder on my throat, and harder on my energy level than most colds, but what is making me negative is not the cold, but how I came to get it.

I had friends over, as I do once in a while, and shared a bag of potato chips with them. Now you’re probably thinking that anyone with a compromised immune system should not be sharing chips with other people but I try to live a relatively normal life, and it helps me to fight through the days and maintain my positive outlook. One of my friends, well he had a cold, though he forgot to tell me this before he came over; I would think that I still would have had him over, so him forgetting to tell me is not the biggest deal, though something I have decided to look for in the future.

The night progressed, and things turned out fine, but then I get a call the next day. My friend had realized something, something important at that. He told me not to eat any of the chips out of the bag that we had shared the night before, and that he had “wiped his nose with his hands and then ate the chips.” I know what you’re thinking, and yes that is disgusting, and yes he is in his mid thirties and not a small child. So I hope you can see where my negative feelings are coming from.

So as I sit here with this cold, I have been thinking about that, about whether I should dwell on his “strange” mistake, or just not worry about it. I’ve decided not to worry about it, make it an exercise in Positive Cancer.

By focusing on the cold, and on feeling better both physically and mentally, my body feels better, and the cold seems less intense. I think I was holding back some of my body’s natural healing by focusing my attention on the negative, not on the Positive. Even I have to remind myself that everyday is good, regardless of circumstance. I can feel the mental strength as I think only about how to recover, and I know that this is the right course of action.

We all are responsible for our positive thinking, and unlike people who are not dealing with Cancer, or some other life-threatening disease, we need to always be as positive as possible. I do not want any portion of my thinking to take away from my life, now or in the future, or to hinder my body’s ability to heal itself. Find positive thoughts within yourself; don’t worry about what has happened, and just deal with it. I’ve invited my friend over for a game of cards tonight and I have every intention of giving him a hard time about this cold, but the words won’t be coming from my heart, they will tongue and cheek.

It’s funny, I never really thought about Cancer except as something that either really young kids got, or something that older people ended up with. Now I can’t stop thinking about how few resources there are for people in my age category, that being the mid thirties, and wanting to do something about it.

Positive Cancer is the start of my support for people of all ages, but I will post articles from time to time specifically aimed at people in my age category. Cancer ages you, it makes your body older and more fragile, but have you ever stopped to think how people look at you when you tell them you have Cancer. I’m 35 but I feel closer to 70 with the looks I receive, and not the pity looks but the genuine perplexed looks from people who are thinking “You should be older,” or “You should be younger.” Well perhaps that is true, but Cancer did not give me the choice.

Middle thirties with young kids and life threatening Cancer isn’t a tremendous demographic but it is an important one. We are the ones whose bodies can take the most punishment, and whose minds have developed will enough to shield ourselves from negative thoughts. It is not by chance that I survived my massive operations and subsequent infections, hospitalizations, and setbacks. My age helped as my body was at a point where it was strong from years of use, but not weakened from overuse.

I vividly recall that a few days after the surgery as I was lying in bed, I overheard a doctor who was doing rounds and talking to my nurse. He must have looked at my chart because he asked, “Hmm, what kind of complications are we having with him?” The nurse replied, “None yet,” to which the doctor said, “What, that doesn’t seem right.” He then came into my room, and took one look at me and turned to the nurse and said, “Oh he’s young; you should have told me that.”

So the very lottery I had won, the one that gave me Cancer at 31 also gave me the benefit of being able to best fight it. See, Positive Cancer, that’s what I’m talking about.