Positive Cancer

While this is the second part of my posts on Sadness and Depression I’d like to take a moment to give a shout out to a particular reader who has been here since the beginning. Raver Babe Ruth has been great to Positive Cancer, and I thought that I should return the favor by letting her know that she’s awesome also! Thank you Ruth for the support, and warm wishes for your family, especially your mother.

Strategies for beating sadness and depression are numerous and at times cumbersome. Besides the obvious medical solutions(i.e. pills) there are literally hundreds of different ways of dealing with depression. I’m not an expert, not even close, so as I always say, talk to your doctor about any situation you might have. I’m going to focus on a few different things I think will keep you Positive, and help to bring you out of any depressive funk you might be in.

Depression tends to hang in the dark areas of our lives, in the areas we don’t like to talk about, and honestly who wants to talk about Cancer and the negatives that come with it. So one of the more important things we can do is talk to family and friend about how we feel, concerning the Cancer, the effects it’s having on your life, and how it’s bringing you down. Bring the negatives to the surface and let the warm light of family and friends burn it away. It doesn’t matter if no one else in your family has had Cancer or depression. Just talking about it will help, and it will start you on the road to goal setting and recovery as opposed to resignation and submission. Start talking, that’s Positive Cancer.

It’s no cliche that you should talk to people who are Positive. Think how many people get therapeutic benefits from pets;pets aren’t by nature negative, and so it seems to reason that if you could find like minded people you would also benefit. Dogs and Cats are positive, and there are many many intelligent smart humans out there who have a Positive mind set, the kind of mind set that isn’t unrealistic but is uplifting. I don’t want my friends to lie to me, or to act happy when their not, but I do want friends who generally believe that life is worth living, and that being together is pretty good, regardless of time or circumstance. Postive friends, Positive family, now that’s Positive Cancer.

Faith isn’t for everyone, but for those of you who are religious, you have to look for the strength from your beliefs. The armor of faith is strong, and if you re-afirm yourself spiritual beliefs you can take depression on, and win. Whatever you believe, you can use that belief to feel better in the same way that if you believe you will fail, then indeed you will fail. Faith is Positive Cancer.

Finally, start blaming yourself for the way you feel, and do something about it. It’s easy for people in our situation to just sit there and wallow in self-pity. That’s okay for a time, but at some point you have to take charge of yourself, remember that others are depending on you the same way you depend on them, and actively try to get better. Go do things that make you happy, instead of having others tell you to do them. Visit friends and laugh, and let them laugh with you. Talk about someone else for a change, about how there life is, and remember what it was to live before the sadness and depression. Fighting for your happiness, for your joy is Positive Cancer.

I though I would take time to talk about depression, in the context of helping people learn when their either “depressed” or headed for depression. If depression is the bottom of the emotion slope, then Cancer most certainly is oil on the hill, intent on making you lose your place and head to the low point. Positive Cancer is about staying Positive, but in order to stay Positive you need to know some of the symptoms of being negative.

I remember the second time I found out I had Cancer; I was with my wife and the doctor told us my Cancer had turned metastatic. At that moment I suppose I was more stunned than sad, but certainly I was not happy. Even through the next couple of weeks I was worried for my future, but never once did I become depressed. That’s not to say I wasn’t down, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s the difference between healthy sadness and unhealthy and negative depression. How I stayed away from depression may not work for anyone else, and as I always say I’m completely in favour of whatever your doctor or medical professional has told you. With that in mind, my method was simple. I monitored myself, everyday in every way and when I started feeling down I told someone, usually my wife. Just by naming the problem it focused my mind on it, and internally it triggered my urge to “fight”. I started going back to the gym, another great way to fight depression, and slowly I regained my footing on the hill of emotion and returned to relative normalicy, or as I call it, Positive thinking.

Clinically speaking depression is a sad mood that is present most days, invades your life, and lasts for most of the day. Many depressed people have moments of happiness, but the majority of their time is in the shade of misery, and not the sun of happiness. It’s said that depression is depression if it lasts for more than two weeks, or if it affects your relationships but I believe that depression can happen very quickly and that’s why you have to be aware of it immediately and not wait two weeks to self-diagnose. It’s a simple Positive Cancer thing: you feel sad, it’s okay but if you feel sad for a long time talk to someone, and try to dig through the feelings. Asking for help is as simple as opening up a conversation with someone you trust, and believe me, it helps.

Some specific things that can signal depression include weight changes, sleep problems, losing interest in friends and family, and fatigue. Now of course there are many, many other symptoms related to emotions, such as feeling helpless or having low self-esteem but you have to remember that whatever the symptom you think are depression related, probably are depression related.
This means that whatever you think is wrong with you really will or can be wrong with you, ergo the idea of positive thinking and Positive Cancer.

However your depression comes, however it triggers within you, in truth it’s the battle to be happy with the knowledge that you might be dying, that you are dying, or that you could die that makes the difference. I live every day under the specter of death, but I’m okay with that, and I’m not willing to let it affect me any more than I have to. Neither should you let it affect you. In part 2 of this topic I’ll cover strategies for how to deal with sadness and depression. Until then stay Positive, stay Positive with Cancer.

Sometimes when we deal with Cancer, we being the person that has Cancer, we tend to forget that other people are deeply affected by our condition and by the way our lives change theirs. Caregivers, whether they are husbands or wives, kids or grandparents, friends or relatives, have an incredible burden placed upon them; one which I feel doesn’t get enough attention. If whoever is taking care of you is feeling negative, or stressed, it’s bound to come down on you and make it harder for you to live a positive life style.

Loved ones need to understand that their role is important both for your sake, and for their own wellbeing. It hard to watch the one you love deteriorate or become unable to do the things they used to do, and it’s equally hard to give up so much of yourself having to provide both mentally and physically for them. Love is powerful, but we are only human, and we feel anxiety and stress, not to mention pressure. I feel that part of the burden of Cancer is making sure that your loved one’s, your caregivers don’t feel isolated and lonely but instead feel welcome and supported.

You need to take the time to explain how much the support of your Caregiver has helped you, and by all means thank them over and over again. Let them know that they have done for you what no one else could, and that you understand how hard it is on them. If your situation is bad enough that your Caregiver is constantly working with you, whether it’s to feed you, or to take care of the kids, or to get you medications, or simply to be with you day in and day out, you need to let him or her have time for themselves. Even saying something as simple as “Listen, I love that you’re always here for me, but I want you to go out to a movie, or have a coffee with somebody. Just go and do something else for a while.” Invariably most Caregivers will respond by saying that they would rather just continue to be with you, but you need to convince them that they need to take care of their mental wellbeing, and will in fact come back more refreshed and more capable of dealing with everything that comes with Cancer.

There is sadness and loneliness, and Cancer can make that isolation feel so acute it seems like there will never be a relationship that solidifies for you, but in truth it’s just your mind playing tricks on you. Open yourself to those around you, take care of each other and together plan the positive goals that will defeat Cancer.

Cancer brings many different physical and psychological challenges including a feeling of isolation from both others and your previous life. Whether your actions or the actions of your friends has caused this situation it should be said that you are not alone, and that there are others who have gone or will go through the same feeling of being alone. By virtue of our Cancer, we are not alone. You are not alone.

Sometimes your isolation comes due to a friend’s inability to understand your situation and I tend to go against common thinking that it may be your friend’s who are having a hard time dealing with your Cancer. I have said it many times, never forget that you are dealing with Cancer, and you’re friends, you’re true friends will be there for you. The others, the one’s that “couldn’t cope” are just a negative influence on you and you shouldn’t spend anytime thinking about them. This situation of losing friends whether real or perceived still leaves a void in your life, one which can cause you to feel even more isolated from others.

There are times when you ill, genuinely sick and unable to interact with others and this too can cause loneliness and isolation. It is hard not to think about your friends, or loved one’s having fun while you are vomiting into the toilet for the eighth time in an hour, and it’s equally hard not to feel like nobody understands what you are going through. Again by virtue of Cancer, there are thousands of people who understand what is happening, and each one of them has had the same feelings at some point in their life.

If you feel alone, isolated from friends and family, you have to understand that the next best people to talk with are people who have gone through what you are dealing with. Positive Cancer allows me to talk to so many others who are dealing with Cancer, and through that it allows me to feel connected and in touch with people who stand united in the basic goal of fighting Cancer. It’s a powerful connection, one which should be used to banish your loneliness and instead light the fires of companionship, and camaraderie. Cancer takes so much from our lives; in our struggle it gives us each other.

In Part two I will talk about how loneliness affects those we love, and how isolated they feel having to take on the caregiver roll.